The black hole within...
I have been noticing an increase in depression, anxiety, panic attacks and people's lives falling apart lately, due to...well, what we have come to term as...depression, mood disorders..bipolar, alcoholic, add, adhd.. We label it so many different things.. It got me to thinking.. (I know you're thinking ‘oh god, here we go again..’, but I say bare with for a bit, hear me out..) When we think about the problem, it gets bigger… when back holes, consume matter, they get bigger.. (you know the old saying, “as above, so below..”) What if there is something to this?..
I remember when I was younger, I had very bad depression issues. I was on all the antidepressants out there, i attempted suicide many times, I drank LOTS, I drank with my medication, I mentally beat myself up.. All because I thought there was something wrong with me. I have yet, (well a work in progress…) figured out that there is nothing wrong with me, other than what I think is wrong with me..(what?) yes, you read that right! The only thing wrong with me is what I think is wrong with me… now hear me out before you call me crazy..
So let's say, we all have this black hole inside us? Just sitting there, being nothing, not even noticed, but staying there just being a black hole. Then one day, whether it be when we are young children, adolescents, just married trying to figure things out, empty nesters now feeling that emptiness inside, we notice it. We feel sad, unworthy, suddenly, not enough. And we think and focus on it some more. And you wonder, ‘why is that there? Where did that come from?” and you focus on it some more, of course it gets bigger (that's what black holes do.. Get bigger when it consumes more energy..) and then you think, what the hell is wrong with me? This person beside me isn’t suffering with this, and this person over there is suffering, but not like me! My problems are different than theirs! Mine are bigger than theirs! (of course your problems are bigger to you, because that is what you are dealing with now..)
So, you feed your black hole, and it gets bigger and bigger and bigger. So, you ask, ‘where did this come from?’ of course the easy answer, is..my parents! They did this and this, and didn’t do this and this and this.. Parents, are supposed to make my life better, to make everything ok, since I do not feel ok, they failed! It's their fault, says the young child/adolescent. Or, it's my spouse’s fault! Why didn’t they do this and this to make me feel better, to make me feel complete? My children don’t visit anymore.. After all I have done for them… The list goes on..
We can blame so many people.. After all, how can this be my fault? So, then we get stuck. Then that means there is something wrong with me! We try to make it go away. We take medication, we go to therapy, we drink alcohol, we do drugs, sex, we eat excessively we eat when we are stressed we smoke up when we are anxious, we take our oxycocets when we feel like we are so overwhelmed and ‘why on gods green earth is no one fixing me?!!!!’ why is the dr not prescribing the right medication? Why are my parents not noticing that I am staying out later? That I have these drugs in my dresser drawer (because I left them there in a plea for help.. They need to find it and know there is something wrong with me and fix me! It's their job!) why is my boss at work not fixing my problem? Why is my spouse not sitting down and talking to be about my obvious problem with eating too much? Why are they not making it better? What the hell is wrong with me????
So, I say...there is not a damn thing wrong with you!! NOTHING!!
We have never been taught about this void, this black hole. When we come across it by accident, we think there is something wrong with us. Something wrong with society, something is just not right! Some of us barely notice it at all, and live our lives happily. Some of us brush up against it, notice it and move on. Some of us, figure it out right away, ‘thats a damn black hole! I am not feeding that! It'll just get bigger.’ But some of us, a LARGE number of us. Think about this black hole, try to figure it out, ‘why is it there?’. We think, we are the only ones with this black hole. We don’t feel good enough, we don’t feel worthy.
So, what is the point of this black hole you ask? Well, I am not sure entirely, but I think it has something to do with bringing stuff back… from our past, and from our ancestors past.. Stuff, that was not dealt with properly. Stuff that is still lingering there in the black hole, waiting to be resolved.
So, every now and again, when we think, and over think and ponder the purpose of our existence.. It peeks back in through the black hole. And we grab onto it, at want to know why it's there… why am I not successful? Why am I overweight? Why do people not like me? Why are they not talking to me? Why did my parents do…? Am I unlovable? What is wrong with me? And we go on and on.. And find ourselves so far down the black hole, we don’t know how we got there, or how the hell to get out.. But you know what the secret is? We don’t need to figure it out!! It's not our stuff!! And honestly, it really doesn’t matter.. All we need to worry about, is what we are doing right now. Where is our attention focused? And, when our boss, friend, spouse, child, parent..blames you or puts you down...guess what? That's not your stuff either!! Thats their shit! Spewing out of their own black hole! Really! It's not your fault!
There is nothing wrong with you! Did you hear that? I’ll say it again..’there is NOTHING wrong with you!! Yes, I am talking to you, the alcoholic, the drug addict, the bipolar, the depressed person, the person with add, adhd, the overweight person, the mother who just lost it on her kids because she just wanted them to listen to her... There is nothing wrong with us! We were never taught about this black hole. We are told, just ignore it, grow thicker skin, busy yourself so you don’t think too much.. But, it's there. It's in all of us.
Some of us think about it more than others. When we stand out, or look different to others, we think about it more… when we are empaths and feel other people's feelings, when we see people who, no-one else sees, we think there is something wrong with us. When we just know things, that well there is now way we should know that stuff, but we just do.. We think there is something wrong with us.. No one talks about it, so we think there is something wrong with us. But we all unique, all gifted (in different ways) and all special!
So, what's the secret? Watching your thoughts and not feeding the black hole!
How do we do that?
Well, I thought no the answer varies for everyone, we are all unique! :)
For me, it was time line therapy, hypnosis and paying attention to my thoughts daily.
It can be done!
While I am still working on myself, I have seen many people succeed!
There is hope! For ALL of us!
Wishing you all self love and happiness!!